Book Review: Nietzsche: The Unmanned Autohagiography by D. Harlan Wilson

 

Nietzsche: The Unmanned Autohagiography by D. Harlan Wilson

Coming September 2023

145 pages, Paperback,  Raw Dog Screaming Press

So when I opened this Word document I was supposed to write a review of the fourth in a series of groundbreaking series of biographical books. Each volume is about a figure so important that their life really needs careful attention given to them by serious biographers. In this case, however, D. Harlan Wilson is a writer so beyond convention that genres have to be invented to contain his work. This is the case with these so-called Autohagiography books.

I could tell you the reader all the things that make the Autohagiography of this Nietzsche dude special. Professor Wilson wrote a lot about himself in this book. Can you believe in a biographer who wants to be praised all the time? By the way, I can't tell what the hell Nietzsche dude believed in????  more than 123 chapters and 26 aborted chapters and at no point does Wilson even consider explaining the guy's mustache.

All that being said the Autohagiography as a form is ripe for some serious biographical shit.  As the saying goes, Imitation is the most lucrative form of flattery. So instead of a review, I would like to offer a sample of My intensely researched and universe-expanding work in Progress - Hubbard: The Cleared Autohagiography by D. Avid Agranoff

Just a sample...

Chapter Sixteen

Now that you have read those awesome first fifteen chapters, and know everything mere mortals could ever learn about the greatest Science Fiction writers ever it is time to talk about breakfast. In America, we eat Breakfast in the morning.  L. Ron Hubbard ate breakfast, many biographers have confirmed this.  Did Nietzsche eat breakfast? Still a mystery. I have already taught you more about Hubbard than Wilson did Nietzsche. Hubbard wrote Fear and the Final Blackout,I personally think of those as respectable Science Fiction novels. Certainly more respectable than his chest hair. Well I suppose if chest hair makes a great man you can understand why Tom Cruise chose The Hubb-ster.

Chapter Eighteen

When you gaze into the Battlefield Earth, the earth battlefields gazes back at y'all. All the L. Ron Hubbard shirts at Hot Topic have that quote on them. They were the top-selling shirt that didn't have Che on them.

Chapter Twenty-Six

I already told you in chapter twenty-three but since you couldn't be bothered to read it that aliens are 200% woven into Hubbard's hairpiece. They wrote 57% of Dianetics, and don't you think for one minute that number is made up. No one denies it. Some people don't want their illusions destroyed. David H. Wilson of the University of smarty pants loves to destroy illusions. Nietzsche's illusions most of all. Crushes them. Like he is some Illusion hating void fucker of world-class disilluisioneers. I knew that when he wrote chapter Twenty five of Nietzsche: The Unmanned Autohagiography by D. Harlan Wilson.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Never mind Chapter Twenty-five was bullshit. Not my chapter Twenty-five. My chapter Twenty-five was insightful. I thought about it. I really considered the weight and meaning of my words. but Twenty-five of Nietzsche: The Unmanned Autohagiography by D. Harlan Wilson... Now that was some bullshit. I meant say chapter fifty-four of Nietzsche: The Unmanned Autohagiography by D. Harlan Wilson that was actually helpful.

Chapter One Hundred and Ten

Maybe you'll laugh if you read Nietzsche: The Unmanned Autohagiography by D. Harlan Wilson. Maybe you'll get wise and tell Wilson Harlan Davey-poo to be ready to burn yourself.  How can you write 145 pages of BS if you are not ashes? You know who said that? Nope, not George Washington. Nope, Not Yogi Beara. It was Nietzsche dumb ass.

Chapter Six Hundred and Three

L. Ron Hubbard carved D. Harlan Wilson's name into the stone tablet with his forked tongue, whipping it into name-shaped cracks. The stone didn't stand a chance even Gene Simmons the twenty-sixth-century robot emperor was jealous of the way he wielded his licker. Carving stone might be easy with a chisel, but such tools were banned during the 2263 uprising of marmalade farmers. I shouldn't have to explain this,  "Here- ye here ye read Nietzsche: The Unmanned Autohagiography by D. Harlan Wilson or Xenu will condemn you to the hometown buffet for the length of the eternal elephant flatulence. "